Imposter Syndrome: Feeling out of place at my kids' elite school

author: FutureCar Staff    

The picturesque private school in Hampshire is a sight to behold, with its well-manicured lawns and grand building resembling a National Trust stately home. Every day, as parents drop off their fresh-faced, well-dressed children in their Range Rovers, a feeling of not belonging washes over me. It's a feeling that lingers during sports matches, fairs, and fetes.

I attribute this feeling to my upbringing and the fact that, if I'm being honest, I envy my children for attending such a prestigious school. Unlike them, I attended a state school. My father was an engineer, and my mother was a stay-at-home mom who later became a secretary. We struggled financially, especially during the 90s recessions and my father's battle with cancer, which eventually claimed his life when I was in my twenties. We didn't have much money.

While my friends went on trips to Spain or Disneyland Florida, I hoped and prayed that my teachers wouldn't ask what I did during the holidays. The truth was, we didn't do much. My parents were good people, but the constant worry about money meant that luxuries like vacations, fancy meals, and trendy clothes were out of reach.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I made a life-changing decision. We sold a property abroad, and with the help of a family member, we were able to afford to take our two children, aged 10 and 14, out of state school and enroll them in a private education.

We made this decision for various reasons. The state school had large class sizes, and my daughter didn't receive the support she needed from one of her teachers. Additionally, there was a lack of interest in my son's passion for music. The new school offered smaller class sizes, with around 12 students per class, compared to the 30 in their previous schools. We had the means to make the switch, so it seemed like a no-brainer.

Enrolling them in private school had an immediate impact on their lives. The smaller class sizes meant that they received the individual attention they needed. They were encouraged in their strengths and motivated when they fell behind. The range of extracurricular activities available to them was mind-blowing – sailing, dance, drama, computing, chess, and even a trading club.

Initially, I had concerns about the parents at the school. I worried that they would be snobby or stuck-up. However, I quickly realized that my assumptions were wrong. Everyone I met was lovely, and while there were some investment bankers and CEOs among them, there were also stay-at-home moms and small business owners. Some had attended private schools themselves and wanted the same for their children, while others, like me, had not. These were hardworking, welcoming individuals who chose to invest in their children's education.

Yet, despite all the positive experiences, I still can't shake the feeling of being out of place. My state education was sufficient – I passed my GCSEs and went on to university. However, it was nothing compared to the education my children are receiving. As I walk around their school, I can sense an atmosphere of limitless possibilities. The children exude confidence, walking with their heads held high. I noticed that my own children started to do the same after just a few weeks at the school.

At their private school, they are taught not only academic subjects but also essential life skills. They learn to make eye contact, shake hands firmly, and speak confidently to adults. They even practice for job interviews. In short, they receive a well-rounded education that prepares them for success – something I believe is lacking in the average state school.

I'm grateful that we made the decision to switch to private education. My children have transformed into well-spoken, well-rounded individuals who are constantly pushed to do their best. Along the way, I've had the opportunity to meet some wonderful people – the kind of parents I used to envy and scowl at. I've come to realize that they are just normal moms and dads, just like parents from state schools.

Perhaps one day, I'll overcome my state school imposter syndrome. But for now, as long as my children are thriving, maybe it doesn't matter if I still feel a sense of unease.

FutureCar Staff